Q: Can I kiss you?

Sure, Mr. President. You is the best black ass kisser.

Q: Who let the dogs out?

A: I got out by myself

Q: Are you pro-Arab?

A: No, I'm just anti-Jewish.

Q: Can I ask you something?

A: Can't you see that I'm busy right now?

Q: Are you an Oscar Mayer nominee?

A: Sure, everyone is.

Q: Need an income today?

A: Me too

Q: What school did you go to?

A: I graduated suma cum laude from the school of hard knocks.

Q: Did you find a parking place?

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A: Don't worry, I'm parked in a safe place.

Q: Did you catch a fish?

A: No, a fish caught me.

Q: How long have you been smoking?

A: Guess

Q: How did you win the lottery?

A: Three words - connections, connections, connections.

Q: Did you hear me?

Q: Who is she smiling to?

A: Not to you, that's for sure.

Q: What are you doing on Saturday?

A: On Saturdays I shave my legs.

Q: How long is it since you last had sex?

A: About that long.

Q: Are you done?

A: I will, in a minute.

Q: Will you marry me?

A: What am I? A fortune teller?

Quiz: Who threw the stone at Goliath?

A: Not me. I swear.

Q: How old are you?

A: Eighty seven and a half.

Q: Why do Jews eat matzo balls on Passover?

A: Because they're hungry.

Q: What is your favorite book?

A: Rocket Science for Dummies

Chemistry Quiz

Q: When will I get my money back?

A: As soon as I get out of here.

Q: How much do you weigh?

A: I ain't gonna show you.

Q: Who wants to be a millionaire?

A: Who cares? I already am.

Q: Can you believe this is not butter?

A: Fooled me.

Q: Who farted?

A: She did.

Q: What are you? A genius?

A: Relative to you, I am.